Last weekend my grad school held an alumni reunion weekend and there were loads of events scheduled.
I had volunteered to organize a gathering for my cohort and I was committed to attending that event (since I was facilitating it :) but I could feel that a part of me was reluctant to do more than that.
The image I had was of myself standing by a riverbank, just dipping my toes into brisk water that was flowing fast, maybe too powerfully for me.
Looking at the other scheduled events, I rationalized reasons why I couldn't make it, why staying comfortably at home might be a better choice: the afternoon panel discussion might cut into family time, I didn't know anyone going to the evening's cocktail party, the movement practice the next morning sounded interesting but was it really meant for me?
This is a familiar hesitation for me.
In our post-covid world it can feel easier to zoom in to life or just skip things altogether.
And as a parent of school-aged kids I often have legitimate reasons (or at least a built-in excuse) why I can't attend things.
But lately I've been intentionally cultivating a new mindset.
Sometimes that requires inconveniencing myself from a logistics perspective. It may mean leaning into that nervous feeling of going somewhere where I won't know anyone.
When I'm trying to get myself psyched up to do something, I often repeat a little mantra to myself: Just show up.
Whatever my initial hesitations, I rarely regret showing up for people and events in my life.
Even when I show up and it feels like kind of a bust - I didn't connect as deeply with people as I'd hoped, the event wasn't as inspiring as I thought it would be - there's still something enlivening about that experience.
Regret is more common when I don't push through my initial hesitation and ambivalence and I let the opportunity pass altogether.
Last weekend I really showed up. I went to so many events, made new connections with people, sparked new ideas. It was incredible and inspiring, and at the end of the weekend I experienced a feeling of warmth and gratitude because I overrode my initial toe-dipping impulse.
What do you want to show up for in your life?
I encourage you to try on the mantra and see how it feels when you acknowledge your hesitation and decide to show up anyway.
Your life is now.